Real Emotion
by Shattered Mirror01
Summary: Cloud and Leon contemplate the emotionless existence of soldiers. Angst, but there is a happy ending. DEALS WITH SUICIDE.


**Konichiwa!**

**I'M SORRY!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T GIVEN YOU ALL THE STORIES I'VE PROMISED!!!!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!! KATIE'S INPIRATION JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE AND TOOK MINE WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FORGIVE ME FOR NOT HOLDING ONTO IT TIGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Seriously, I'll try to get it out. The plot bunny bit me yesterday with it's sharp infectious teeth and it refused to let go of me. So I wrote this little Cloud/Leon oneshot to get the plot bunny off of me and to stem the tide of any and all complaints about me not giving what I promised. Humph. **

**To Jumesyn. You rock my socks. And to Snickey, and Keithlee, and Katie and Ichigo and all the others who put up with me while I was having a breakdown. I'm more greatful to you then you'll ever know. **

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A gust of wind blew recklessly across the building, blowing flaxen hair across a pair of sickly blue eyes. A shiver racked the man's spine, but he refused to move from his solemn post. His sight shifted across the houses of Hollow Bastion as he observed their quiet, uneventful existence, and he silently contemplated his own.

He glanced down at the stones several stories below him, idly wondering how long it would take him to hit them. He also wondered if he would die if he jumped. The Bailey was the tallest structure in Hollow Bastion, besides the castle. If he landed just right, and those damnable inhuman reflexes of his didn't kick in, then it would probably do the trick.

The man shifted, stepping closer to the edge, still staring intently at the stone below him. It wouldn't take much, he decided. Not much at all.

Suicide wasn't a new thought. It had criss-crossed through his mind fairly often in his somewhat short life, but he'd never actually come close to committing it. It was the fear and the guilt that kept his shattered heart beating. He'd made-broken- too many promises to die just yet. But that didn't mean he wasn't sorely tempted. Oh no. There was that inner part of him, the part that didn't care anymore, that appealed to Death. Begged for it. The stronger part of his will still kept up the fight to live, but honestly, how long could it last? His hope was slowly but surely being extinguished, until all he had left was a barely glowing ember that didn't even have the strength to burn. His weaker, suicidal will was numbing him. It spread like a cancer throughout him, and he was beginning to agree with it. He really couldn't take much more.

Step, step. He stood at the very edge of the Bailey now, the wind threatening to knock him off the tower. He lifted his gaze from the ground and looked towards the cloudless sky. It wouldn't take much at all…

"CLOUD!!!"

He lurched, his delicate balance failing as he began to fall. The wind only made it worse, clutching at him with ice-cold fingers of air as it dragged him downwards. He'd never noticed that one foot was in the air, ready to take that fatal step off the Bailey. Never, ever noticed. The cancer of numbness was far too thick now, eating him up as he plummeted, down, down, _down_-

But he wasn't falling. He was quite stationary, in fact. There was something keeping him firmly in place, pinning him to the Bailey wall. That something was awfully warm and kind of squishy too, he thought. He realized with a start that it was Leon's own body pressed against him. The brunette's scarred face was much, much too close to his own. The Gunblade wielder's face was twisted into an expression that Cloud had never seen before- fear? For _his _life?

No. Not Leon. That couldn't be right. Leon was too much like himself. He'd known the hardships of a soldier's emotionless life, learned the lessons of pain the hard way, just like him.

So why did those beautiful grey eyes keep _looking_ at him like that, damn it!?

_Composure, composure. An emotionless façade- never forget it. _

"Let go of me, Leon," he ordered quietly, pretending to be calm. He was surprised that his voice hadn't cracked, but then again, Cloud had plenty of practice lying to the world.

Leon shook his head. "No. Not until I know you're all right," he replied.

Damn. Of course Leon wouldn't leave him alone, not after that little stunt.

Cloud twisted. "I'm fine, Leonhart, now let go of me!"

"And it's obvious that you're lying, Strife." Leon's voice was only a decibel louder then normal, but it was filled to the brim with some sort of raw emotion that Cloud really didn't want to decipher. He felt his heart beating a war march in his chest (from adrenaline, right?) and he looked away from the other man's eyes (were they slightly closer, or was he imagining it?).

Leon sighed, exasperated. "You just tried to kill yourself-"

"Well, I'm still alive, aren't I?!" Cloud growled, trying to suddenly push Leon off of him. Leon was ready for struggling, though, and simply shoved Cloud even harder into the wall. Cloud winced, the stones biting into his back.

"I told you. I won't let you go until I know you're all right," Leon repeated calmly. He held on tightly to Cloud's wrists and kept his whole body weight on the slightly smaller blonde, allowing only enough room to breathe. He really wished that it had been a different circumstance that put them in this awkward position. It really didn't help that he could feel Cloud's heartbeat, feel him take a breath, feel him squirming beneath him in an effort to break free of Leon's grasp. If Cloud wasn't being suicidal, Leon would be enjoying this thoroughly.

"Stop it."

Cloud's head moved slightly forward as he spoke, ice blue eyes focusing intently on the ground.

"Stop what, leaning on you?"

"No. Stop _looking _at me like that," he muttered.

Leon stared at Cloud, confused. "Looking at you like what?"

"Does it matter?!" Cloud snapped, jerking his whole body in an attempt to get away. He faltered as his eyes accidentally met Leon's, the expression on the brunette's face enough to make his heart jump into his throat.

"It matters to me," Leon said softly.

"That's what I mean!" Cloud cried, shaking his head as he regained his precious composure. "It's not _supposed _to matter to you! Nothing should! We're soldiers, Leonhart, that's all we ever known! They've drilled it into our heads so hard that it's all we believe! We're nothing but tools, emotionless tools that follow our orders without a second thought! We feel _nothing_!!!!"

In his rant, Cloud had twisted around so violently that Leon had been forced to let go. He was shoved backwards, but Cloud suddenly grabbed a hold of his fur collar.

"You aren't supposed to give a damn, Leon!" he shouted hysterically, shaking the collar. "You're not supposed to care at all!"

Leon stiffened at the words, knowing full well Cloud had a point. The blonde stopped shaking him after a few seconds, shaking. An angry tear slipped down his porcelain cheek.

"And then you look at me like that," he whispered. He didn't trust himself to look at Leon's face. He gripped the collar tightly between his fingers.

"You look at me like…like…I don't know, but you look like you're alive. Like you actually feel. And it's so strong, and it's so _human_, and then I remember what it's like to actually feel and it _hurts, _Leon, it _hurts, _when you look like that…."

He rested his head on Leon's collarbone. "Why? Why me? Why do you care about _me, _Leonhart? Why do you always, always, _always _look at me like that?"

The brunette paused, hesitating, as he pondered the correct way to answer Cloud's question. He had to do this right.

Leon closed his eyes, leaned forward, and lightly brushed his lips across Cloud's forehead, the blonde spikes tickling his nose. Screw it. If he didn't do something, he felt like he would burst.

He heard Cloud's sharp intake of breath at that gentle touch and immediately backed away, embarrassed at his own boldness. "Does that answer your question, Cloud?"

Cloud said nothing. He only continued to stare at Leon, as if disbelieving the brunette even stood there.

"I care because you're Cloud. That's all there is to it, really. You're strong, but you know what it's like to be on the verge of cracking. You know what it's like to have the weight of an entire world on your shoulders. You're smart, but you're still learning from your past, from your mistakes. You say that you're an emotionless tool, but I know you care about all of the others. You're _cold, _because you know what it's like to be in the kind of pain that no one can understand, and you're _human_, and- I don't know. You're just Cloud. I can't explain."

Leon looked at his feet, abashed at the confession. He risked a step forward.

"I don't want to lose you, Cloud."

Cloud could feel his heart break and reassemble at those seven simple little words. Another unwanted tear ran down his cheek but he did nothing to stop it. His eyelids closed as he spoke the first thought that went through his mind.

"I don't want to lose you either," he whispered.

His eyes were still closed but he could feel Leon coming closer. He didn't protest as Leon pulled him into a soft embrace, giving Cloud plenty of room to back away. He never moved. Cloud still didn't protest when he felt Leon's gloved hands on either side of his neck. The taller man was being careful, oh so careful, as he caressed Cloud's skin. He had been broken enough- Leon would never forgive himself if he did it too. He tilted Cloud's face up (gently, always gently).

"May I?" he asked. Cloud's piercing blue eyes opened, blinked once, and nodded.

A warmth Cloud had never known spread through his veins when Leon kissed him. It was short, as short a kiss could possibly be, but that one chaste touch was so incredibly powerful that Leon found it nearly impossible to not lean in and kiss the ex-SOLDIER again. However, Cloud beat him to it, standing on tiptoe to reach Leon's lips. It surprised him for only a second. Cloud's lips were so incredibly cold against Leon's own, but he reveled in every second of it. Both kisses were short, light, but the sweetness of it lasted for a long time afterwards.

"Cloud?! Leon?!"

Both men pulled away as Sora's voice rang out through the Bailey. Not a second after they parted Sora, Donald, and Goofy rounded the corner and burst in on them.

"Hey, are you two okay?! We thought we heard screaming coming from the Bailey!" Sora asked worriedly. His Keyblade was ready in his hands.

"We would have gotten here quicker, but them Heartless ambushed us!" Goofy said in his usual backwards way. Donald just stood there and nodded.

The men looked at each other, storm eyes meeting sky blue. They shared a mental smile and turned back to the others.

"It's nothing, Sora. Cloud and I were arguing, but we reached an agreement," Leon said smoothly. Sora frowned, disturbed to hear his friends fighting.

"Arguing about what?"

Yet another stolen glance. Cloud grabbed Leon's hand and pulled him out of the Bailey, calling over his back, "About real emotion."

Sora cocked his head, confused as the two men left the Bailey. "What was _that _about?"

"Beats me," Donald said. Sora suddenly noticed that both men were still holding hands as they walked down the street, and he smirked knowingly to himself.

"Real emotion, huh?" he said, watching them enter Merlin's house. They let go of each other's hands as they entered, and the smirk widened.

"What'cha smilin' 'bout, Sora?" Goofy asked.

"Nothing. It's just that real emotion can be a good thing," Sora said.

His two friends just shrugged in confusion.

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**Stupid plot bunny...apparently I have some sort love for making Cloud suicidal. It's not my fault! Damn you, plot bunnies!**

**Yeah, I hoped you enjoyed. And thank you to everyone who's reviewed my stories and if you review this story, I'll... give you my eternal love? I don't know. Just click. AND HAVE A NICE DAY!**


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